Boundaries & Biases (A Quest for Clarity)

I first started these newsletters as a lead generator for my offers...

... and they've evolved as my most cathartic means of expression and articulation.

Days, weeks, and months come and go, yet what we hold constant necessitates growth.

Not only does this give me a measurable thing, but it compels me to articulate & assimilate my experiences.

As I reflect back on the past 30+ editions of this newsletter, and my week - I'm continually reminded...

... we are only capable of making decisions given the information we have acquired at the time of action.

This implies our judgements stem from our biased interpretations of past experience.

The part of this that I find most interesting is we utilize the same level of thinking in our relationships...

... and because you don't have a lifetime of experiences to call upon with others, we judge them instantaneously. 

You see, we view our actions as merely a page in our book.

Yet we view others 'page' as their entire story... overlooking the chapters everyone possesses.

Our lives are a story... an accumulation of experience - in which we did the best with what we had at the time.

"Now that I know better, I do better."

- Maya Angelou

This means that you must accept that 'better' is possible.

If you don't, you keep yourself and other stuck within limited constraints.

I find that I used to be a much more judgemental person...

... justifying it via the lens that I judge myself harshly too.

Where I found grace was in a redefining of what 'boundaries' meant to me.

I viewed life as a striving for perfection (now it's for excellence).

What this did is created a binary, transactional approach to every experience.

It either was, or it wasn't.

This expressed this belief by judging others on isolated events - and what I was willing to accept...

... placing all of my focus on what was happening externally - which is, ironically, out of my control.

It all made sense once I realized that 'boundaries' and 'walls' are more about keeping people in - not others out.

Now boundaries, for me, have more to do with the standard I'm willing to accept for myself...

... no longer about what I'm willing to settle for - but instead what values other must share to receive my time.

This shifted my focus internally - understanding that other's responses are not my responsibility.

This isn't to say that you should disguise 'giving yourself grace' for doing what's necessary...

... quite the contrary - because I believe the world has gone far, far too soft.

Instead, I believe that once you determine what you value most, you are given a choice.

You can do your best, or you can do what's required - and if what's required isn't enough, you choose to get better.

There are two questions I ask myself quite frequently to rewire my previously judgemental frame, and they are:

1. If there was a lesson in this, what would it be?
2. How am I complicit in creating the conditions I say I don’t want? ​— via  Jerry Colonna

Our experiences act as a mirror... and the reflection we perceive dictates the life we create.

So... If you're presently living the story your future self will tell - choose to make today a masterpiece.