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3 min read

Finding Presence in Being

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As much as I say I want novelty in my life, my primary behavior is that of certainty.

Certain emotional states
Certain patterns of thinking
Certain strategies for growth

Not to say one is wrong... but when working to change habits - something has to give.

I was recently recommended How To Change by Katy Milkman, of which I've not yet finished...
... but in it she talks about the science of getting from where you are to where you want to be.

One of the primary methods for such is to remove yourself from the environment in which you were hurt (or the pattern was created) until you have the awareness to double-click and confront it head on.

Interesting... because this is what I subconsciously did a few years ago when I moved to Los Angeles.
The advice given to me at that time was that you "Cannot heal in the same place you were hurt."

Queue changing people, places and process... and a new awareness

Now that I've settled into my life here I've been greeted with a new set of challenges...
... ones that I truthfully thought I had expanded into previously - not the case.

In such, a certain pattern re-presented itself so-as to say that there is still more to explore... which I am choosing to.
... and with timely advice, I was told that you can't truly work through something unless you do it with someone else.

Again, something I am working towards and choosing to do as well.

I wasn't 'hurt,' so to speak, here - so rather than running (traveling) in search of novelty I feel very comfortable doubling-down and confronting it head on... which is surprisingly terrifying and challenging... which is surprisingly terrifying and challenging.

In line with the pattern re-presenting itself... I’ve talked about being vs. doing in the past…
... but I now think it’s more accurately labeled being vs becoming.

One stems from an acceptance of the self…
The other stems from an insecurity within the self…

On one hand, focusing ‘becoming’ energy can unlock an insatiable drive to do, create and innovate...
... but it often comes at the expense of the present - at least in my experience.

In the past, this is the path I've chosen... repeatedly.
... and in those moments you end up back where you began (if not further) because you become despondent.

I’ve toyed with this idea of being quite a bit.

Being seen for who I am, not what I’ve done
Being present for connection, not what I can get
Being open and receptive to intimate experiences

I can truthfully say this is part of my next chapter...
... yet a piece of me feels that if I give up the becoming energy I will lose my competitive edge.

Of which I question…

Is it really a competitive edge, or is it a limitation I’ve placed on myself to keep me in certain experiences?

I use to say:

This has gotten me to where I am…
… but not where I want to be.

I think instead it is this brought be awareness of where I am…
… so-as to expose a path towards who I can be.

Trusting every experience has and is protecting and propelling me toward being more of who I already am.

I believe what is required now is a softening, opening and accepting of that which I can be.
... not 'can be' but already am - just allowing myself to exist persistently in a state that opposes who I was in the past.

The Kevin I created to get to where I am, is not the same Kevin that get's me to where I want to be...
... because that Kevin doesn't need to 'get' anywhere at all.


Please hit me back via email, I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences based on the above.



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Marc Koehler is a former Nuclear Submarine Officer and the founder of Lead With Purpose, and elite leadership development and research firm.

Why Do Some Believe They Are Leaders... While Other Are Leaders?

In this episode, expect to learn what makes a leader great, how the military turn out leaders on demand, what to look for in a teammate or partner… and more.

Including my personal favorite, how to build trust with anyone.

What It Takes To Be A Great Leader - Marc Koehler | E14
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Quote On My Mind:

"When you are right, you are learning nothing."

— Kevin Kelly (More Here)

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In Case You Missed It:

In last weeks edition, I wrote about — thinking less, feeling more.

My birthday provided time for reflection...
... and the biggest lever in my life has not been consistency.

Tap here to read the full article.

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